Hints/Tips for Long Distance Relationships

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I met my boyfriend online 3 1/2 years ago. At the time I was just new to the internet and was checking out the chat rooms. After a few arrogant invaders who were trying to "whisper" sweet nothings to me....I met Neil. He's from the UK and I'm from the US. At first it was all the basic exploratory questions. Where are you from?, what do you do?, how old?, single?, married?...etc. In his case he was in a failing marriage and I could easily sense his unhappiness. Being the gentleman he is, there was never any negative remarks of his wife. We talked about 2 or 3 hours and he asked if he could keep in touch via email and I gave him my email address. We kept in touch on and off for about a year. Him telling of his daily drudges along w/ his unhappy marriage and me telling him about my freebird single life and the idiots I was dating. We seemed to be so much alike and I really felt something in our correspondences. We then lost touch with each other for about a 3-4 month periord and just thought he just gave up the cyber pen pal adventure. He nor I ever spoke out of line. Never anything sexual unless it was a joking gesture! He never made and advances or asked for "cyber sex", which to this day don't understand the satisfaction!!!! HA HA! Anyway, one day last year he appeared on my IM and he was so excited to see me online. He said that his PC had crashed and just hadn't had the time or money to repair or purchase a new PC. About a month or two into rekindleing our friendship he confessed his feelings for me. I didn't confess mine at first. I wanted to be sure he was sincere. We were online w/ each other at least 3 times a week. By the end of the year we had moved on the webcam and that was it! To see each other's expressions, smiles, laughs....etc was the most wonderful thing! I do call him on occassion. His voice sends shivers through my body! His marriage is officially over (not at all to do with me). Now we keep in touch daily either through email, text msg, IM or telephone. We are finally meeting in February. He wasn't going to come here until May, but our love grew deep and he decided May is just too long to wait. He's coming here to spend Valentine's Day with me and there couldn't be a better date to meet on!!! To anyone out there who isn't sure....just go with what feel right. Don't rush anything especially in a very long distant relationship. Patience IS a virture! Best wishes to everyone. (from Heather)
I met my girlfriend over the internet just over 3 months ago and as I learnt more and more about her background, her needs, her dreams and her ambitions I realised that we had so much in common even though we live on opposite sides of the world (me in UK and she in Malaysia). After a short time we were chatting almost every day and very soon the talk became of meeting up. By that stage I think I was already in love with her brilliant character and her warm personality and so I booked a trip to go and see her in late November. I have to say it is the strangest thing when you know so much about a person but you have never met them and I think because of this we were both very apprehensive about whether the chemistry would be there. Although the initial meeting felt a little awkward we soon clicked and I have to say I had the best time of my life because I immediately realised how much she meant to me. I have never experienced something as strong as this and all I can say is that this must be what true love feels like. I never thought that I would find someone as loving, caring, intelligent and funny as she is and now that I have found her I intend to work harder than I have ever done before to ensure we are together in the near future. Because we are boh realists we know we have to have a plan to enable this to happen and we're already pushing ahead to take control of our destiny. So, my 2 tips would be that when you find the right person ask yourself "would I do anything to be with that person?" and if the answer is yes then make sure you act on the second tip which is to make plans so that you can be together becuase beleive me, being apart is the toughest thing I have ever done BUT what you endure now will make the future so much more valuable and you will NEVER take your partner for granted. (from Richard Giazzi)

Love is THE Fact of Life

Love is a fact of life. For all human beings, and especially for teenagers, it could be said that love is THE fact of life. It is one thing that is central to all human existence. You might have come to this realization already. Simply by looking into your own mind and noticing how much of your time it spends thinking about people of the opposite sex, fantasizing about people of the opposite sex, dreaming about people of the opposite sex, wondering about people of the opposite sex, feeling depressed about people of the opposite sex and so on, you get a good idea of how important this topic is in the human realm.

Because it is so important and so central to human existence, love is something that can be extremely confusing and frustrating. I know that as a teenager love was extremely confusing and frustrating to me. I had a huge number of questions about the whole space, including (If you are a girl, please replace "girl" with "boy" in the following questions):

• Why do girls hate me?
• Why do I feel so awkward around girls?
• Why is it that I think about girls all the time, despite the fact that I would rather not?
• Why does it hurt so much?
• Why does it seem like a lot of people don’t have these problems? Why does it seem like they are able to walk up to girls, talk to them and the next minute they are going out together and having a really great time? Why are a lot of those people athletes?
• Why are pretty girls like they are?
• Why do a lot of girls seem attracted to guys who are obviously idiots and who treat them badly? I would treat a girl great, but that seems to make no difference. Why?
• What is jealousy, and why do I get so angry about it?
• Will I ever find someone who I can marry?
• When?
• Why can’t it be now?
• How will I know when I have found the girl I should marry?
• Now that I think about it, what is marriage again? Why do we have marriage? Why don’t we all just go around having sex with whoever we feel like all the time?
• For that matter, what is love? I mean, what the heck is going on here to begin with?
• Why does it seem like adults don’t have these problems?
• Why do my parents say they are "in love," but it looks so different from what I mean when I say I am "in love"? In other words, why does their love seem so boring, why do they have fights and why do they never hold hands?
• And so on.

You might have asked one or two of these questions yourself. Obviously, this is a pretty big and complicated space.

One way to begin to get a handle on love and to begin to understand it better is to try to tackle it one piece at a time. We will start with the fundamental facts of life concerning love. Once you understand these facts you have a foundation. Then you can move on to other areas.

Kiss Types

Below you will find a variety of kiss types. If you find some that catch your fancy, feel free to try them :-)

Butterfly Kiss - With your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart.

Cheek Kiss - A friendly, "I really like you" kiss. Often the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner's shoulders, gently brush your lips across her cheek.

Earlobe Kiss - Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.

Eskimo Kiss - With your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together.

Freeze Kiss (or Melt Kiss) - Experiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It's an erotic and sensual french kiss with a twist of cold.

Foot Kiss - An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.

Forehead Kiss - The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.

French Kiss - The kiss involving the tongue. Some call this the "Soul Kiss" because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues. Surprisingly, the French call this "The English Kiss". Girls Kissing

Fruity Kiss - Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips (juicy fruits such as grapes, strawberries, small pieces of pineapple or mango are ideal). Kiss your partner and nibble one half of the piece of fruit while they nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths.

Hand Kiss - Gently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her hand. Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady.

Hickey Kiss - The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.

Mistletoe Kiss - Surprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe. This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover.

Letter Kiss - Send your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as XXXXX.

Neck Nibble Kiss - Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.

Nip Kiss - This kiss can create a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. When done correctly, this kiss ignites wonderful sensations.

Shoulder Kiss - Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.

Sip Kiss - Take a small sip of your favorite drink. Leaving a little bit of it on your lips, kiss your partner. It is a unique way to create a sensual feeling and your partner will enjoy it.

Talking Kiss - Whisper sweet nothings into your partner's mouth. If caught in the act, simply say as Chico Marx, "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth."

Tiger Kiss - Quietly sneak up behind your partner making sure they do not know what you are going to do. Out of the blue, grab them and gently bite their neck. Make sure to get a few good growls in too. This will surely surprise them.

Trickle Kiss - Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner's mouth while kissing.

Tongue Sucking - A variation of the French kiss. During an open-mouth kiss gently suck on your partner's tongue (not too hard because it may hurt). Very sexy :-)

Quickie Kiss - When you're in a rush. Often the nose gets it rather than the lips.

Vacuum Kiss - While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.

Virtual Kiss - For Internet lovers. Send an e-card or a kiss via email with this symbol: :-* .

Romantic Love Quotes

The most precious possession that ever comes to a man in this world is a woman's heart.
~ by Josiah G. Holland ~

What we need to know about loving is no great mystery. We all know what constitutes loving behavior; we need but act upon it, not continually question it. Over-analysis often confuses the issue and in the end brings us no closer to insight. We sometimes become too busy classifying, separating, and examining, to remember that love is easy. It's we who make it complicated.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

Romantic love reaches out in little ways, showing attention and admiration. Romantic love remembers what pleases a woman, what excites her, and what surprises her. Its actions whisper: you are the most special person in my life.
~ by Charles Stanley ( A Man's Touch) ~

From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven. And when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together, and a single brighter light goes forth from their united being.
~ by Unknown ~

It is the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable,
but it is the little differences
that make them interesting.
~ by Todd Ruthman ~

Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~

My heart to you is given:
Oh, do give yours to me;
We'll lock them up together,
And throw away the key.
~ by Frederick Saunders ~

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival.
~ by Leo Buscaglia (Born For Love) ~

There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved.
~ by George Sand ~

Love is an act of endless forgiveness
A tender look which becomes a habit.
~ by Peter Ustinov ~

Love Will Live Forever

Love Forever by Alice Walker

I could walk a thousand miles,
Just to see your perfect smiles.
Although I see what they don't,
They are missing what I w'ont.
My love will always stay pure and clear,
For your the one I do not fear.
Forever and always I'll stay strong,
For you my dear you are my bond.

Through clouds above and stars beyond,
My love, the thing I'm always fond,
Will stick with you forever end,
Our heart and soul will always blend.
While people might think were playing pretend
We will stan to defend
Your in my mind your in my heart,
Nothing can ever break us apart.

Combined as one,
Our life, Our Love
Will Love Forever.

Psychological basis

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is permanent. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. American psychologist Zick Rubin seeks to define love by psychometrics. His work states that three factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.

Following developments in electrical theories such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as "opposites attract." Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality—people tend to like people similar to themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g., with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby that has the best of both worlds. In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed, described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and affinities.

Some Western authorities disaggregate into two main components, the altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the works of Scott Peck, whose work in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love is a combination of the "concern for the spiritual growth of another," and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.

Chemical basis

Simplified overview of the chemical basis of love.

Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst.^[9] Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust exposes people to others; romantic attraction encourages people to focus their energy on mating; and attachment involves tolerating the spouse (or indeed the child) long enough to rear a child into infancy.

Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding that promotes relationships lasting for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term relationships have. Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported the protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous levels after one year.

Definitions

The English word "love" can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Often, other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that English relies mainly on "love" to encapsulate; one example is the plurality of Greek words for "love." Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus make it doubly difficult to establish any universal definition.

Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn't love. As a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like), love is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although other definitions of the word love may be applied to close friendships in certain contexts.

When discussed in the abstract, love usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself (cf. narcissism). In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love, ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. Some historians date modern conceptions of romantic love to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages, although the prior existence of romantic attachments is attested by ancient love poetry.

Two hands forming the outline of a heart shape.

Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliché, and there are a number of common proverbs regarding love, from Virgil's "Love conquers all" to the Beatles' "All you need is love." St. Thomas Aquinas, following Aristotle, defines love as "to will the good of another." Bertrand Russe describes love as a condition of "absolute value," as opposed to relative value. Philosopher Gottfried Leibniz said that love is "to be delighted by the happiness of another."

Love is sometimes referred to as being the "international language", overriding cultural and linguistic divisions.

Interpersonal love

Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a more potent sentiment than a simple liking for another. Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love that are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is most closely associated with interpersonal relationships. Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples. There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love, such as erotomania.

Throughout history, philosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In the last century, the science of psychology has written a great deal on the subject. In recent years, the sciences of evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the nature and function of love.

Definitions

The English word "love" can have a variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts. Often, other languages use multiple words to express some of the different concepts that English relies mainly on "love" to encapsulate; one example is the plurality of Greek words for "love." Cultural differences in conceptualizing love thus make it doubly difficult to establish any universal definition.

Although the nature or essence of love is a subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be clarified by determining what isn't love. As a general expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of like), love is commonly contrasted with hate (or neutral apathy); as a less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic attachment, love is commonly contrasted with lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although other definitions of the word love may be applied to close friendships in certain contexts.

When discussed in the abstract, love usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person or thing, including oneself (cf. narcissism). In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love, ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. Some historians date modern conceptions of romantic love to courtly Europe during or after the Middle Ages, although the prior existence of romantic attachments is attested by ancient love poetry.

Two hands forming the outline of a heart shape.

Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on love is commonly reduced to a thought-terminating cliché, and there are a number of common proverbs regarding love, from Virgil's "Love conquers all" to the Beatles' "All you need is love." St. Thomas Aquinas, following Aristotle, defines love as "to will the good of another." Bertrand Russe describes love as a condition of "absolute value," as opposed to relative value. Philosopher Gottfried Leibniz said that love is "to be delighted by the happiness of another."

Love is sometimes referred to as being the "international language", overriding cultural and linguistic divisions.